Tag Archives: acceptance and commitment therapy

Defusion

Defsuion is a technique used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which aims to change your relationship with your thoughts. Under the premise, “Thoughts are not facts” and that you can interact differently with your thoughts. Your mind’s job is to analyse and critically evaluate threats, so intrusive, negative thoughts can not be eliminated from your mind. But if you are fused with your thoughts, you believe your thoughts, you get stuck in your head, you ruminate a lot, and you probably act or behave in a way that is unhelpful or makes you unhappy. An example would be missing events because you’re socially anxious. The thoughts drive your avoidance behaviour, but you’re unhappy because you want to be able to go to these events. Defusion helps you make space,l and not get entangled in your thoughts. I’m going to discuss some techniques you can try.

“Everyone hates me”

Any label thought that comes up that is personal to you, you can change to “I’m having the thought that I am stupid.” This changes it to a description, and you recognise it for what it is; a thought. Now you recognise it as a thought, you can treat it accordingly.

“I am stupid“

If a thought like this comes up, you can teframe it with “There’s that ‘everyone hates me story, again’.” This helps put some space between you and the thought.

“Bad things keep happening to me “

Reply, “Thank you for that thought, mind.” Remember, your mind is trying to protect me ( I discussed this in the protect me mind post). Trying to fight your thoughts can become problematic. In ACT they relate this to a Chinese finger trap, the more you fight, the tighter the trap. But if you relax, the trap relaxes too. Your mind and its thoughts behave in a similar way. Accept the thoughts, but let them float away.

You can also try

  • Singing a thought or saying it slowly or in a characters/funny voice.also, saying it repeatedly, will help it lose its power.
  • Thinking the opposite action. For instance this could be, “I can’t move my hand, I can’t move my hand..” etc, whilst moving your hand. This exercise shows that you can do things even thought the thought is there saying you cannot.
  • You can visualise thoughts on leaves on a stream or on balloons floating away. Intrusive thoughts will come and go. Let them come and release them without getting entangled in the unhelpful stories.
  • If the memory is visual, you can pretend to watch it on a television. You play around with it, fast forward, slow it down, rewind, make it black and white, or colour.
  • Don’t think about something for a minute. Like a big pink elephant or anything random, and then give yourself 1 minute to clear your mind without that coming to your mind. It is hard to keep something out of your mind. Watch the reel before for more on this information,

Defusion is a technique, like mindfulness, that requires practice and patience. Especially if you have struggled with intrusive thoughts, are highly anxious, then this will take time. Be patient and kind to yourself.

Charities

If you’re concerned about your own or someone else’s well-being, or you found topics in this blog upsetting, reach out to any one of the following charities.

Damaging social media

Social media is used by so many of us on a regular basis. I use social media every day, communicate with friends in memes, and use it to find out about people and places. It’s great for connecting with people, especially when family or friends live far away.

Picture taken from https://flic.kr/p/aiGbWG

And although there is generally a much darker side to the internet, which won’t be discussed here, there is an immediate sinister effect.

In Behaviour Analysis, researchers have uncovered reinforcement schedules that have different impacts on behaviours. Reinforcement is similar to reward (would be a simplification), but it’s basically something that happens after you do something that makes that something more likely to happen again in the future.

The different schedules depend on when the reinforcement is delivered, and these can be changed by happening every time you do that behaviour, or completely randomly. It can also be based on time, which is a fixed amount of time or an unpredictable amount of time. The schedule I will be discussing is the unpredictable behaviour (variable ratio). In this schedule, you might have to do something once, or seven times, and then five times, and then ten times, then two times, to get the reinforcement. Due to the unpredictability of the reinforcement, this schedule produces the highest rates of responses (people behave more under these circumstances). This schedule is common in gambling and drug addiction. You’ve gotta be in it to win it. Each time you ‘behave’ (or make the response) could be the time the reinforcement occurs, so you keep behaving.

This is how social media works. Posting pictures and getting likes or finding an enjoyable meme, video, etc.. is reinforcement on a variable ratio. You have to keep checking and behaving to get reinforcement. This is why social media is compared to addiction – because it is. Between the reinforcement, you could be experiencing withdrawal symptoms. This can wreak havoc on your mental health.

Also, it is important to remember that social media prompts comparisons. Even if people talk about mental health and are good advocates, you may still think ‘well its easier for them because…’. It can be landmine on social media because your negative self-talk or inner dialogue will be there to help remind you of all those unhelpful stories. Constantly comparing you to the happy, shiny versions people you see on social media.

Exercising mindfulness is the best way to help you gain control over your mind and the negative self-talk. Also, using defusion to create space between you and your thoughts. Thoughts are not facts, so use techniques like “I’m having the thought that …”, or “Here’s the ‘I’m….. ‘ story again”. Depending on what you think, you can insert the words into those statements.

Here is a great YouTube video shared by Self-help Toons (not my content) who explains Fusion and Defusion really well.

How do you think social media is impacting your mental health? Are there periods of your day where you could be screen free? Do you find yourself mindlessly scrolling during your day?

Affirmations, positive or negative?

Positive affirmations are common practice these days. You can find them all over social media. Although I use them and share them myself, I think this is something you should approach with caution.

Having a positive mindset all day every day is not achievable. Trying to achieve this will leave you feeling like you are falling short, especially if you are really struggling with your mental health.

I recently shared an image of a Chinese finger trap and related this to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). The idea behind this is that when you try not to think about a certain thing or think a certain way, the more you pull away, the tighter its grip is. Berating yourself for having a negative thought and telling yourself you must be positive will set you up to feel disappointed.

Picture credit : https://flic.kr/p/aYYxTP

I recently read in a life coaching book that people should just take their negative thought and put it in reverse. So if you think ‘I’m not attractive’, just think ‘I am attractive’ or if you think ‘I’m not smart’, just think ‘I am smart’. I don’t think this is effective because you will be constantly reminding yourself, by association, of the negative thought.

Life has a wide range of emotions, joy, grief, excitement, anxiousness, content, relaxed, anger, etc.. Unfortunately, you will always have negative thoughts, so it is better to work on acceptance of these. You can do this with some defusion techniques and with mindfulness (check out my other blog posts for more information on this – Defusion with ACT).

If you are going to use positive affirmations, use ones that you believe, even on your toughest days. You can write a list of things you like about yourself, or find some ideas online, and pick ones you like for yourself.

This is one of my personal favourites. Reminding myself that I’ve survived so much already, helps me find the strength to tackle another tough day.

Do you use positive affirmations? Do you find them helpful? Which ones do you like the best?

Defusion with ACT

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) , the hexaflex visually shows the six key areas of the approach.

One point on the hexaflex highlights defusion /fusion. Fusion is described as being fused with negative thoughts or unhelpful stories. This means you spend a lot of time having these thoughts and believe them to be true. You spend a lot of time ruminating and feeling like shit basically.

Being fused is a challenge for people, as you can feel very overwhelmed and helpless. When I was fused with my negative thoughts and stories, I would’ve generally thought, ‘life was hopeless. Things would never change. Bad things would continue to happen to me over and over again.’

Being fused with thoughts like this can be a symptom of depression or anxiety. Generally, anyone can struggle with these intrusive thoughts and find it difficult not to get entangled in these stories or intrusive thoughts. It can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. Take a look at this video from Russ Harris for a metaphor of what it’s like living with these thoughts.

As it says in the video, the thoughts cannot physically hurt you, but their power is in intimidation. Defusion is a process of distancing yourself from these thoughts and stories; untangling yourself. This can be done through a variety of processes.

The one that works best for me is labelling the thought as a thought. So if I have the thought ‘I’m not good enough’, I then think after ‘I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough’. Also, sometimes I will say thank you for the thought to my mind. I discussed this in my post, ‘Protect me, mind’. This helps put the thought into perspective, as a thought and nothing more.

Another process can be singing or saying the thought in funny voices. This can change how you interact with the thought. You could try singing it to the tune of happy birthday or say it in the voice of a cartoon character.

You can also use visualisation. You may want to do this with memories or intrusive thoughts that come up as images. You may imagine them on an old TV, in black and white, you may change the speed, or rewind it or play it forward. Another way to use visualisation is to imagine the thoughts on leaves on a stream or bubbles or balloons floating away.

The key is to have a separate perspective of the thoughts; you are observing them rather than living in them. Often, the thoughts aren’t true, and it does not serve you to spend so much time and energy living in that thought, memory, or feeling.

Practising mindfulness can help practice this skill, and there are many great resources for mindfulness. Try Calm or Headspace apps for some guided meditation and mindfulness activities.

Do you spend a lot of time ruminating? Are you realising that these intrusive and negative thoughts do not serve you? Have you given some of these approaches a go? This is a skill you have to practice and is not a quick fix. You have to become more and more fluent with this so that it becomes more natural for you. Remember, 1) progress is not linear, so keep going with it, and 2) that you can not cure yourself if intrusive negative thoughts. Part of the human experience is having these thoughts, and trying to fight it will cause you more anguish. Make room for these thoughts and be curious and kind when they show up.

Protect me, mind

One of the things that helped on my journey to better mental health is learning to respond with kindness to my mind. Understanding it is trying to protect me has helped me have more calmness with my thoughts rather than a battle. It can be exhausting if your mind is your enemy.

In Russ Harris’ book ‘Happiness Trap’, he discusses how our mind and our brain are built for protection. We are wired to find threats and solutions in our environment. This is the sole reason that we have evolved from caveman to be the “sophisticated” (I joke) species we are today. Being aware of danger, sourcing food and shelter, and the development of language is thanks to our brain. However, in this modern world, we don’t have to worry about fighting sabertooth tigers or finding shelter in a cave. We worry about finances, job security, relationships, tragedies, etc. With our increased connectivity, the threats in our envrionemt have been expanded and amplified. Our mind is still programmed to take in all this information, find the problems, and find the solutions. This hard working mind can be a blessing and a curse.

This is what Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is based on, and what Russ Harris discusses throughout his book. The idea that our minds are doing their job excessively, we become ‘fused’ with the thoughts and stories, and we struggle to be present. The ACT approach, very simply, works on defusion (taking a step back from your thoughts), staying present, and taking commited action towards values.

Recently I read a story which I found relatable. The story was:

Lunar Living – Kirsty Gallagher (page 89)

I like this because this is how I felt for many years. I also listened to a podcast, The Happy Place with Fearne Cotton, and she interviewed Jo Bowlby, who described this phenomenon as ‘two minds’. Two sides were fighting. One side is all the hurt and trauma, and thinking everything is hopeless. And another side with hope, love and maybe the little bit of resilience. If I listened to the first side, more and more, she got stronger and stronger. She was loudest and the most chatty when I had depression. I was almost submissive to everything she said; I didn’t have the strength to challenge this voice or this story. Like the Cherokee says, the one you feed more wins. And their food is attention.

Looking at my negative and intrusive thoughts in this way has helped me make space for them and respond with kindness. I know my mind is trying to protect me, and that’s OK. But it’s not OK for me to become tangled in those stories and thoughts because it can become a barrier to me living my life. And frankly, it makes me feel like shit. So I thank my mind for the thought, express the understanding that it’s trying to protect me, and I pivot my attention back to the present moment. It’s definitely a skill that you need to practice and practice. Even I’m not 100% fluent, but I’m getting there. I just wish we didn’t have to bring up all those embarrassing moments from like 10 years ago… randomly….when I’m driving 😅

Who do you think is winning in your mind most days? I definitely recommend reading the book ‘Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris. It’s one I read at the beginning of my journey to a healthier mind. I also recommend listening to Savvy Psychology podcast epidode ‘Exiles, managers, and firefighters: 3 parts hindering your true self’. Share your thoughts in the comments.

References

Gallagher, K. (2020) Lunar Living: Working with the magic of moon cycles.

Happy Place, Jo Bowlby episode. Retrieved from: https://youtu.be/vl2zoabovlk

Harris, R. (2008). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Trumpeter Books.